Hindu - A gift of fruit for the family is the appropriate gift. A compassionate gesture is often all thats needed while visiting the acutely bereaved. That being said, our approach to the bereaved cannot be generalised beyond a point; each situation is unique, as is each family. Honorary pallbearers do not actually carry the casket at a funeral, and they do not serve at a memorial service because there is no casket present. Think through how you truly feel about it. Just as It is all part of Gods plan might not go down well with an atheist, He will soon be reborn into a more beautiful life can be hugely offending to someone who doesnt believe in rebirth. Sadly, politics trumps principles in Kerala! Those who are close to the grieving family can gently make sure that they dont miss their meals. At a Hindu funeral, the deceased body is kept in an open casket. As author Arvind Sharma writes, Hinduism is not a thing; it is a process. He would more or less characterize Hinduism as a method or temperament. When someone has lived a happy, full life, there may be increased celebrations and dancing. Well take you through some examples of condolences or sympathies below and try to iron out whats commonplace or whats appropriate in specific contexts. Such decisions are often based upon the circumstances of the family and the level of their commitment to the traditions of Hinduism. Visiting in person and/or attending one or more of the traditions and rituals the visitation, wake, or shiva, the funeral or memorial service, and the burial or final resting service can be appropriate and will be appreciated by the mourning family. Please Click Here on how you can do that. of an actual attorney. This short message gets to the essence of the Hindu faith in just a few short words. According to my calculations based on astrology, he could not have chosen a better time to die is another example of saying the wrong thing in the wrong place at the wrong time. Can you tell me what exactly happened? Make a list of all the ways your loved one enriched . Some friends have the knack for hitting all the right notes and saying all of the right things. For many people who have experienced a death, it can be helpful to know that their closest friends and family are thinking of them and are available to help. Surely, a card or note to the mother would be welcomed as well. A Hindu priest is an officiant, who presides over all Hindu funeral rites. On the one-year anniversary of the death of the loved one, a memorial service is held in the family home. Ask for his/her input and a checklist of what needs to be decided and completed. A Hindu death ritual comprises of three parts: A funeral/wake at the family's place. to an Orthodox Hindu for their sibling, youll find that the atmosphere of condolences is much different. Everyday Health | Visiting a family who just lost a loved one? It may work for a coworker or friend who has lost their spouse. 9. However, mourners should check with the family or the funeral director to find out what's appropriate for the funeral they are attending. The funeral ceremony is conducted at the place of the cremation. A Hindu priest will be invited to visit and to purify the house with incense, prayers and mantra. I remember my neighbour had a much more terrible time with the same disease. Shinto - The tradition is to give used money to the family in an envelope decorated in black and silver. It is believed that free expression will keep the body healthy, instead of bound by mourning and unresolved anger. Otherwise, they may quietly sit throughout the chanting. Traditional Hindu funeral rituals dictate that the mukhagni is only attended by men. The more eulogies that are to be delivered, the shorter yours should beno less than two minutes, but no longer than eight to ten. If a Hindu, they can participate in the chanting of mantras. Another common mistake is to pass remarks on how the family could have taken better care of the person who passed. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. You could certainly send her a personal note expressing your condolences. After the shraddha ceremony, the family usually returns to work after 1-3 weeks. Deciding to stop by at a funeral on the way to a wedding, therefore, can be suicidal. A notice would either state the hour and location of the service, which would mean that it would be appropriate for you to attend if you wished, or it would indicate if the service is private. Amy Wolkenhauer, BA in English/Creative Writing, https://www.indiatoday.in/information/story/deepest-condolence-messages-very-helpful-in-grief-1657386-2020-03-19, Hindu death traditions, rituals & beliefs. With that, parents will often go to great lengths to ensure the success of their families. In this sect of Hinduism, theres no food or drink offered to the family for up to 10 days. Post Funeral. Good and bad manners do exist about visiting the bereaved, albeit with some variation between cultures. In such situations too, it is helpful to remember that no hospital would knowingly do anything that could harm the patient. Because people will be standing, it is customary to keep the ceremony brief. And while most of the information provided above mixes trust with credible sources, theres such variety to the Hindu culture and faith systems that what works in one scenario may not work in another. And if you plan on visiting themyoull spend more time in silence rather than offering condolences. His commitment to creating a better world was apparent in every project he started. What to Send: Sympathy flowers and sympathy cards are appropriate Hindu funeral rites Hindu funeral service: Traditionally, the body remains at the home of the deceased or in a funeral parlor until it is cremated, which is usually within 24 hours after death. Traditionally, the Hindu mourning period ranges from 10 to 30 days. Leaving footwear outside is part of local culture in India, and is a respectful gesture in this context. Before the funeral, Catholics hold the Vigil (Wake). It is typical for the family to decorate the house with icons of saints, burning incense and a single candle memorializing the deceased. (1995). All rights reserved. Your personal condolence note would be especially kind, too. Hindus believe cremation is the fastest way for aiding the soul to escape the body. If we are not familiar with the deceaseds family, it is better to introduce ourselves and verify the identity of key family members before proceeding to offer condolences. If you're completely overwhelmed by the prospect, and feel that you must decline, it's okay to do so. A thoughtful gift which allows the name of the deceased to be mentioned will provide long-lasting comfort to the family. Avoid the eating of certain foods, like sweets. Perhaps your friends child died as a teenager and didnt have a chance to go to university or get married for many reasons. Another option is to ask a close relative or friend to write some notes on your behalf. As author Arvind Sharma would say, there are as many Hinduisms as there are Hindus. Just the same, this leniency does not give people a wash from tradition. Your sister was a beautiful person. Send hand-selected and thoughtful gifts appropriate for those of the Hindu faith to let them know you care. During the ceremony, non-Hindus can sit quietly. It is not uncommon to hear one person pass a negative remark about the deceased persons character, soon to be joined by other likeminded people who fuel the conversation into a full-fledged debate. 24 hours after the death, the body is taken to the cremation site. After a person succumbs to illnesses such as cancer, some visitors make public assertions about magical cures that have no scientific validity, claiming that the person could have been alive through such means. There is a tendency to judge whether the person deserved to die the way he or she did. Your sister was a beautiful person. And there are loved ones who suffer from their loss. Hindus generally prefer cremation over burial and the funeral usually takes place as soon as possible after death. We are not attorneys and are not providing you with legal For instance, if the family head shows or voices no grief, the guests will respond similarly. subject to our Terms of Use. The dos as well as the donts are important. Do not grieve for his body, for his soul is eternal. She lived her life to its fullest, so we should celebrate her life to honor her legacy. 13. In our cosmopolitan society, its not uncommon to know or work with people from all over the world. This link will open in a new window. Talk to your friend's family. Certain rituals occur in the final moments, including: What should health and care professionals bear in mind? Some placement restrictions may apply. After all, some of the wisest people can almost convey a book in a matter of a sentence. Whilst it may be difficult to observe all Hindu death rituals in a hospital or care home, it is helpful to remember the following so that the patient can stay true to their faith: What rituals take place after someone dies? It's a good idea to have a friend read over your eulogy. Its important not to confuse peace and speed here, as. After that, the body is moved to the cremation place from the home, where the cremation ceremony takes place. Blaming the family for not doing enough. Your clear expression of sympathy and caring for your coworker is what matters the most. The person who made the comment might not have meant badly, but wrongful words and actions can cause a lot of hurt in these delicate situations. If they are in hospital, it is helpful to inform the chaplain about their spiritual needs (with the patients permission). There, husbands and wives increasingly share household roles as dual-earners. Will it be a private or open service? If youre not familiar with these Hindu funeral customs, you may also see a lot of food and drink. They'll surely understand. Ultimately, Hindus believe that through praxis, accumulation of good karma, and divine grace, moksha (liberation) can be achieved after death. Loud conversation on unrelated topics. It's worth noting that some communities and faiths have an open casket at the visitation and at the funeral service. Silence is golden: Mark Twains classic quote is noteworthy in the context of visiting a bereaved family. Not only is it unnecessary to bring flowers to the service, but you are expected not to bring them. Kalyana saavu is roughly translated as happy death, and you would use this phrasing to honor someones life and legacy. The Emily Post Institute Inc. is a fifth generation family business that has been promoting etiquette based on consideration, respect and honesty since Emily Post wrote her first book ETIQUETTE in 1922. This period usually lasts for 10 days. Usually, Hindu funerals take place within a single day and sometimes, two days after the deaths time. Similarly, theres no understanding of heaven or hell, but there is the desire to achieve Nirvana. Weapons do not cut this Spirit, fire does not burn it, water does not make it wet, and the wind does not make it dry. May he rest in peace. While visiting the bereaved, our focus should remain completely on the departed, and the grieving family. Some traditions will not allow for a wedding to take place during the year. Those people are greatly missed as they create such a hole for those they leave behind. Few people are comfortable visiting a home where death has just occurred. Wearing black or pale shades are just fine unless there are specific protocols in place. The Hindu religion believes that when a person dies, his soul goes into another body. Family members have an open invitation to attend the service. If you are a colleague or acquaintance: Send an email or handwritten note immediately. Some Hindu traditions advocate devotional singing and scriptural recital during this time, rather than consider it a time of mourning; instead, realising it as a celebration that the soul has now been liberated and resides eternally in the abode of God. You can also donate financially if you can. The closer your relationship to the bereaved or the person who died, the sooner you'll want to reach out. Since this is such a personal request it should be made, if at all possible, either in person or with a phone call. If this cultural shift is your cousins history, it might be appropriate to mention that distinction to honor them both after offering condolences. However, you may send or bring flowers ahead of time. There may be a request to turn the patients bed so their head faces east or for the patient to be allowed to lie on the floor in the moments before death (so that they are close to mother earth and their soul can depart easily). Please navigate to the relevant forum to create a new thread or post a reply. Hindu Quotes of Condolence and Healing. Explain that you don't feel you can do it, and be honest as to why. Please consider whitelisting us in your ad blocker so that we can continue to provide the content you have come here to enjoy. It is unborn, eternal, permanent, and primeval. Emily Post training and consultation services are available for groups, businesses and individuals. people will avoid going to the deceased house. Examples are I am sorry for your loss, We are here to help in any way that we can, I will check back on you tomorrow, I am just a phone call away. For the family, the trauma of having to retell the story over and over can be horrific. Blaming the family for not choosing another hospital or doctor is a common and futile exercise that occurs at bereaved homes. It is not slain when the body is slain. Bhagavad Gita 2.20. All Rights Reserved. As a general rule, the closer your relationship to the bereaved, the sooner you should contact him or her. Through cremation, the five basic elements, known as thepanchbhut, are returned to the universe, signifying the maintenance of cosmic equilibrium. The Good Thinking team has produced this short guide to help anyone in the Hindu community across London who has lost a loved one, and to help health and care professionals who are supporting terminally ill patients of the Hindu faith. Suit and ties for men and dresses for women, usually in greys or dark colors, are common clothing choices. We loved her as our class teacher, she meant so much for all of us.. Discussions about unhealthy habits leading to an early demise can be reserved for later. It could even work over various social media platforms or a sympathy card. Offer specific assistance: "I'm going to the grocery. You are lucky he went early!, I know how you feel, I was devastated when my cat died last year!. Share a toast. (n.d.). Hindu mourning rituals will vary according to the sect, caste, circumstances of the family and a variety of other elements. During the thirteen-day period of mourning following the death, the presence of friends and family helps create positive karma to help prepare the soul for its next incarnation. To upgrade your account, please visit the account upgrades page. It's best to wait until the funeral service is over to greet the family, unless they're greeting people before the service. May Lord Krishna grant everlasting peace to her soul. Thanks. forms. Saraff, Anjula & Srivastava, Harish. Hinduism, like other great religions, has specific rituals for honoring the deceased and addressing a family's grief. After that, the body has to be cremated. Duplicate and frame favorite photo (s) of your loved one for family gifts. Please accept my condolences for your loss. Viewing the body is not mandatory, but is usually considered respectful if the casket is open and displayed near the family. The more you practice, the more comfortable you will be delivering it at the service. Harper San Francisco. Take a look. However, they can participate in the chanting of mantras taking place thereafter. It is customary to visit within 10 days the family of the person who passed away. I'm here for you." This link will open in a new window. If you don't feel comfortable having your daughter view an open casket, skip the visiting hours and simply attend the service. This is generally the case with professional colleagues and associates, community and religious organization members, and other acquaintances. For information about opting out, click here. There will be things to be done at the home, such as taking care of guests or handling phone calls. Funeral Mass (Requiem) is performed in a Catholic church by a priest. Whether we are comfortable with it or not, visiting bereaved families is part of living in society. Eastern Orhtodox During the period before burial (three days after death), flowers may be sent to the funeral home. Sometimes, it is just for the family. As Narayanan explains, "Rituals give us a way of cathartically dealing with our grief. If you didn't know him, you could mention something special you've heard about him. Whether you are going to a, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Parent, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Sibling, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Friend, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Partner or Spouse, Hindu Condolence Messages for the Loss of a Child. Before making your decision, take time to consider the family's request. Those who are close to the family may volunteer to do such tasks. For instance, the death of a teenager is perceived differently from that of a 90-year-old. Everyone in this community respected your father. Sharma, A. Medical decision making is among the most complex tasks known to man; and not all decisions lead to a positive outcome, although taken in good faith. In all branches of Hinduism, family plays a key role in helping their loved one prepare for their death and rebirth. Those can include: During these thirteen days, the family and friends of the deceased are given the freedom to express their grief rather than keep it bottled up inside. The soul is unborn, eternal, immortal and primeval. If you are a friend of a friend: Send an email or handwritten note at your convenience. After someone dies, their body should be treated with respect. This is made worse when people pick the phone up and start talking at the top of their voice as though they were at a party. Hare Krishna. Asking the person not to cry is like choking a person who is already gasping for air. If you do, it may cause an annoyance as the family or funeral director will have to . Hare Krishna. After the mourning period, it is appropriate to visit the deceaseds family at their place. If there is a line waiting to see the family, keep your thoughts and comments brief. In general, it is never inappropriate to dress in a way that reflects respect and sorrow for the somber moments of mourning a loss. It is also key to building positive karma for the deceased. At that time, one can bright gifts like fruit. It is important to avoid language bloopers like hearty condolences, a common error in this part of the world. Beliefnet is a lifestyle website providing feature editorial content around the topics of inspiration, spirituality, health, wellness, love and family, news and entertainment. In the United States, cremation needs to be performed only by a licensed crematory. Find out what to do and discover resources to help you cope. However, mourners can check with the funeral director or family for finding out whats appropriate for that particular funeral. Choose from trainer trainings, seminars, live-online workshops, and self-paced online courses, to best meet your etiquette training needs. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as anexpression of comfort and support. Find the right Emily Post book or greeting card for you. For many people who have experienced a death, it can be helpful to know that their closest friends and family are thinking of them and are available to help. Additionally, they are not to touch or go near the family shrine. Are you sure you want to Unsubscribe from Malayala Manorama News letter/ Alert. Remember, the subject of your eulogy is the person's best qualities, not your feelings. Such people can be heard passing comments like When you look at her, she doesnt come across as someone who just lost her husband. The funeral home will have chairs for the family graveside on the day of the funeral. APPROPRIATE DAYS TO VISIT BEREAVED FAMILY: BEFORE NOVEMBER 1 OR 2 Just like any other special occasion or celebration, sometimes the best way to visit is the day before the said "peak season." This is to avoid a crowded space and a possible ruckus while visiting. Deepest condolence messages very helpful in grief. Funeralflowerssingapore.com always satisfies increasing requirements of customers. Some Indian-Americans journey all the way back to India to immerse the ashes in the Ganges or visit many pilgrimage sites to seek blessings for the departed soul and solace for their own pain. Unfortunately, while social topics like table manners get discussed at home or at school, most of us have not received any formal training on this sombre topic. Atma is beyond space and time. The grieving family may be visited by many wishing to express their sympathies and the time any individual can spend with them may be quite limited. Her startling determination to do exactly the opposite, was amazing.". This can occur when friends or colleagues show up and we forget for a moment that it is a solemn occasion. The traditions and rites of Hindu funerals may vary. It is appropriate to visit the home of the family as an expression of comfort and support. Comforting the Bereaved Family and friends will express condolences and comfort by attending the Vigil Service and the Funeral Mass if possible. It is appropriate to visit the bereaved before the shraddha ceremony and attend the service. No two families and no two deaths are the same; it is therefore a pointless exercise. For a parent, sons and daughters are equally precious. Although their intent might be good, it doesnt always work that way. The family should be consulted about any jewellery and religious symbols that need to be left in place. Some people in India may denounce being Hindu, but their lifestyle may suggest that they still live like a traditional Hindu. It's best to stick with their request at such a sensitive time. If unsure, the best thing to do is stick to something straightforward. Can I get anything for you?" Incidentally, it is perfectly acceptable not to cry, as each person processes grief differently. Visitors are expected to bring fruit. Following are a collection of questions and answers about bereavement to help guide you during difficult times. The funeral directors will take the body for bathing, dressing and anointing with the permission and in the presence of chosen friends and relatives before the funeral rites take place. The body of the deceased should be released as quickly as possible to enable the family to prepare for the funeral. Who else would she like to have involved as eulogists, readers or ushers? However, this is not a religious requirement and entering the temple during the mourning period is not forbidden. If not familiar with the situation, it is helpful to call a friend who knows the family, to find out beforehand when and where to visit, and what the right thing to do is while visiting. May she rest in peace. Good behaviours while visiting the bereaved. Finding the proper way to express condolences can be difficult. Family is very important in Hinduism and healthcare decisions should be made together (normally with the most senior family member or eldest child). For many people it can be a great comfort to know that friends are thinking of them in such a difficult time. The Spirit is not destroyed when the body is destroyed. The bereaved person could be venting out emotions and if we simply give them our ears, it will be comforting. Often there will be some open visitation for an hour or so just prior to the funeral service. May God guide your sons soul to attain the right path. Likewise, the person who passes an ugly remark at a solemn family function might not even realise what he said or did was hurtful. If you decide you want to do it, then write your talk from your heart. I understand that cerain days like Fridays and Saturdays are avoided for such visits. There is a gathering of family and friends who are grieving. A common blunder by well-meaning visitors is to try and compare with their own limited experiences. It would be helpful if someone clarifies regarding the appropriate days to visit the members of bereaved family.